Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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