how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
