I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
