this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
