Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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