I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
