Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
