Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
