Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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