I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
His nipple licking is glorious
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
