You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
