True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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