hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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