You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
