I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
