This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
