We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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