I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
