Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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