I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
