i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So squirting runs in the family.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
