So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
