DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
