Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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