It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
