Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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