I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
