That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
