so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
