i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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