I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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