i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
