Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
