weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
