im gay
i know
yea but for you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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