i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
worst night to have a conscience
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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