Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
