This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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