Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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