You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
