I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
