This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
