I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
two words...techno handjob
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
