Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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