i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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