Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
