i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
this hospital has no fireball
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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