oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My bed smells like the plague
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
