you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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