Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
