After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
