well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
